For years I’ve yearned a sense of belonging from the situations that hurt me most. Yes , a belonging.

I tend to be repeating and yearning  these patterns, though , most , if not all times, the hurt I’ve received or caused was not intentional.

A trauma bonding relationship is reflective of an attachment created by repeated emotional (or Physical) trauma with intermittent positive reinforcement, according to licensed psychologist Liz Powell, PsyD. Put simply, in a relationship with trauma bonding, there’s “a lot of really terrible stuff happening and then occasionally really great stuff happening,” they say.

I truly intend to notice this pattern going forward though, and I’m quite embarrassed to still be talking about it, as one person, whom I’ve had that type of relationship with, lamented that said person is now 33 years old and do not wish to hear about this again.

It is then that I realized that I’m more attached to the hurt than the other counterpart because the hurt caused there was triggering for me throughout other relationships I’ve had.

I’m coming up this learning curve, with God’s grace and guidance no matter what.

Even though I , by nature want to be apart of the lives of people who have caused me cyclical abuse, I would understand the direction that the Universe is taking me through, if these unions were to end. I would be forever grateful for that.

Grateful for the healing, not the loss of friendships.

Friends come and go, so do relationships.

They Come.

I’m inviting the right energy into my life so that I too can be the person that I want to be with. I also do not want to cause anyone this level of pain.