I read that when we did well in school and people said “You did great” or “Congrats” , they only validated our identity as a bright person and not our efforts.

It should have been our effort to follow through the obstacles , solve problems and persist that should’ve been commended- not our identity.

Because of that, we tie wins and failures to our identity and that’s where many of our educators and mentors went wrong.

So we feel messed up when we ‘fail’ at something but no one commends us for having the grit to follow through to failure as if it doesn’t take some effort to fail at something. You would have had to try to practice Maths before you can fail it.

So the next time someone tries to do something new or challenging , commend them for having the grit to continue to follow through , even if there were losses, grief, sadness, anxiety or depression along the way. Commend their efforts and everything they have been through.

If you find that a student is good at Math, Do not validate the student’s identity as a good Mathematician . Commend the student for the tenacity to practice over and over again, even through the pains of perfecting her craft.

Commend the other student who is NOT very good at Math for showing up, even without her having a passing grade.

Winning and losing has nothing to do with who you are.

You are a great person whether you win or lose, pass or fail.
Your efforts are to be recognized whether you win or lose.

Regards,
Me