Celebrating

Hey y’all!! Grab yah drinks for this one! I know I’ve mentioned celebrating before, but trust me this is kinda different.
Let me share a story with y’all,
So I have terrible anxiety, like hands shaking , legs shaking , people obviously noticing and voicing it which leads to me wanting to pass out or stay locked the fuck away. Last year I was faced with a decision that made me so anxious I gave up… for that time. I used the time to focus on my happiness, what it means to me, my inner peace, only giving a fuck about the importance things, like death and or health for a more positive perspective.
The time came around for me to try again. To be a little more transparent with you guys, after taking my last break I wrote some sad ass shit in my diary. I was extremely disappointed and felt like I had failed myself. So fast forward to now , I’m back where I need to be, I survived the days I thought I couldn’t and I created so much happiness in my life and made peace with my mistakes/ short comings.

This leads me to ask, why the fuck am I anxious? I was about to have a panic attack because I started feeling as if I’d never overcome. Then I reread that diary entry I mentioned and I realized I was only anxious cause I’m excited( this is what I told myself) and instead of worrying about all the mistakes I’ll probably make starting again after such a long break, I’d celebrate surviving up to this point, I intentionally set goals to get here and I met them. I’ve intentionally set it in stone that I’m overcoming and I know it deep within me.

Why then do I even feel my hands shaking? I needed to celebrate. That’s what I decided my anxiety was telling me to do. I did it and guys, I’m still anxious at times but I barely remember why I’m anxious , I’m laughing a lot and not crying thinking of all the possible terrible outcomes there might be and I’m staying in the present moment with a little pride somewhere inside because I made it back here again. Back facing my Goliath , claiming David’s victory.

Trust I’ll keep you updated 🌸
-Aśe